Why is asking for alone time such an awful thing? and as a secondary question, why are so many people so needy that they don’t need that?

I’m going to try to make this one as short as I possibly can, but suffice it to say over the last few days since my mom hasn’t been working my father has been sitting around also not working. And so, since I am here, I have had literally NO alone time. Now, since I was a toddler, I have NEEDED alone time; back then, I played with my stuffed animals and if anyone else wanted to join in, I wouldn’t let them. As I grew up (as much as one can given the events of my life), that has turned into just needing anywhere from 15-60 minutes (more would be nice) of time just to “recharge my batteries.” You would really think that those around you the most – your family members – would understand this. It is like me understanding my mother cannot get in any sort of confrontation without shutting down. It is like taking food away from the both of them for the day (that might sound ridiculous to those of you who are not “on the spectrum” but “my time” is actually much more important to me and my energy levels than food ever could be). And yet EVERY DAY I HAVE THIS BATTLE. And it’s like … NOT LIKE I’M NOT GOING THROUGH HELL RIGHT NOW ANYWAY, RIGHT??? So yes, I need time to sob and make my sorrow heard probably miles away because my heart hurts so bad. But even when things are good, I need the alone time; I cannot be with people 24/7 and be happy … it doesn’t work. I don’t care if these are the people I have chosen to be in my life or the b!tch neighbor who listens to every word I say and follows me everywhere I go below me … I need time away from EVERYONE. Because if I don’t? The feeling that results is like … my body starts to shut down, and I start moving slower and slower until I cannot move at all. And I have a lot to do today and I have a lot coming up which is why I am here (I need a new place to live, quite obviously, my neighbor at my apartment is someone I would rank on the top 10 list of worst people I’ve ever met.). And then the other day, sometime around 1AM my mom came downstairs and outside to me and kept reiterating about how worried she was about me and listed off all the things she thinks I am doing wrong, blah blah. Well, you don’t have genuine concern for someone if you refuse to rectify it and blame the need as a flaw in the person who needs it. I would just really like to hear some examples of others who feel like this, especially those who are #autistic.

I’m done just because I’m losing energy fast.


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