feelings.

I AM VERY ANGRY.

I was bullied TERRIBLY all my childhood … and I have been betrayed by everyone who claimed they would never abandon me when I first became SO deathly ill in my early 20’s. Long-term relationships (we’re talking 5+ years), every friend I had managed to keep from the aforementioned bullies who drew all of my then-best friends away from me, every friend I had made in university, even my best friends who saw me not long before they invited just about the entire population of the town except for me … although that is always in the back of my mind, I try very hard to stop that from informing every relationship I make with people. But the sad part is that most people – in my experience – are really like THAT. They will take whatever you will give them (in some ways, absolutely everything), and then when you need a little help, they’re never there. There are about 2 or 3 examples that don’t follow that pattern … but my opinion of people in general – and sadly, the upper “echelons” of empaths, at that – just don’t give a damn. If it’s not their problem, it’s not their problem. I need to get to the place where I DON’T give a damn … but that’s incredibly difficult when the object that needs to be cared about is the most brilliant animal who is completely innocent to all of humanity’s folly and egocentrism. He doesn’t even know he is sick right now. But I could write even longer prose than I already have about how this boy is the love of my life and my best friend and how he is a miracle boy and how he, even more than me, deserves to live, and no one would care.

And I really hope writing this proves that I am wrong.