We need another miracle … i don’t ask whatever the higher power is for much … but please, we need a miracle.

I have been “assigned,” for lack of a more exact phrase – too much stress and sadness – to start my blog up again … so here I am!

I will come back tomorrow and try to give a brief rundown about how … awful … the last few years have been … and those years (ongoing) simply follow a long period of very long bout of awful … and I don’t really know what to do with that quite yet. I was coming around to the idea that I had these great means to “get back to myself;” that I had had adequate time to rest and start to get out of my “nervous breakdown” and BAM! As always, the universe or God or whatever you believe in slams me to the ground in increasingly awful ways. And I cannot help but to feel that I must have done something HORRIBLY wrong in a past life … because I know a lot of “bad” people who regularly do “bad things” to others and I am not like that … but I know my life holds so much more suffering that most of those about whom I am speaking. I know some of you very much understand what I mean to say and I cry for you because no one should have to live this life. I understand I never wanted to be “normal,” but for one thing after the next after the next for decades now … for me to get maybe a few days, maybe a few weeks, if I am lucky, just to get in enough air so I don’t feel like I’m drowning in a shallow puddle simply lacking the strength to pull myself up. I reached my breaking point so long ago I have no idea what it is anymore. I cannot even begin to try to iterate how many “rock bottoms” I have fallen straight through; how many nervous breakdowns I’ve had to get through.

I have a lot more to say but I am crying so hard right now for things that have not yet been said. But for now, I just please ask that you send as much love and healing energy toward me / in my general direction as you can spare. Thank you and I will be back, with any luck, slightly less emotional in the sh!tshow that is my life … and sadly, the lives of just about everyone who has ever been REALLY important to me. It’s not fair, it’s not normal, and there is no way in hell a “healthy” and functioning person could go through this ALL THE TIME and still manage to pop back up above the surface. I do … but I don’t know how. And I certainly don’t know why.

Thank you and I really need all of your prayers right now.

With love ALWAYS,
Beth