So I did remember at least part of the “topic” I wanted to “talk about” here today, but it’s something that deserves more energy to be put into it than the energy with which I am currently working, so I will hold off on that for now.
With THAT said, I was just driving home from buying some cat food (the cat needs his food) and I was listening to a song on an album both of which I consider about as close to “perfect” as I think “we” can get and I just started to cry. Now, I don’t know if you know my level of “cryability,” but it’s usually pretty low. That is to say, I RARELY cry – unless there is something that touches or disturbs me GREATLY. I actually think it has gotten to a “problematic” point (although I do think I am making progress toward breaking away from that “problematic” area) – that point where you have just been through so much sh!t and pain and awfulness in your life that even when you’re hit BAM BAM BAM you CAN’T cry even though everything in your body and mind and soul and whatever is screaming at you to do so. It is kind of like … numbness. At any rate, I am usually in that state … unless something really bad happens or I “hit” one of these “spots” of “perfection.” And that got me thinking (of course it did!) – WHAT IS IT ABOUT THESE THINGS THAT TOUCH UPON PERFECTION THAT MOVE US TO THE POINT OF TEARS? Are they sad tears? A little. Are they happy tears? A lot. What is the adjective that describes the tears that such “experiences” bring? I know a lot of words but I can’t seem to pinpoint this one. However, even without adequate modifiers of any type, I think at least the handful of sentient people on this planet know the feeling I am talking about and the correlating emotion I am attempting desperately to convey.
I guess the best way I can describe this “feeling” is that you are experiencing something that someone or someoneS who are the best of the best at what he/she or they does or do and that he or she does or they do what they were / are “meant” to do “in this life” (it’s extraordinary when it’s a “they” because it’s like these people were MEANT to find each other despite crazy circumstances and like … how and why did they just happen to find each other and exist at the same time in the same place in human history kind of thing – it’s one of those “chains of coincidence” that isn’t “JUST” a “chain of coincidence”) and he/she/they does/do it at their “peak” and reach levels of whatever it is they are doing that really do touch upon perfection. I hope that makes sense. And I hope that wasn’t too “sappy.” I’m not really a “sappy” kind of person but I genuinely appreciate this kind of thing … much more than I could ever hope to articulate….
All I can say is that I am DEEPLY appreciative that I have had not only the experience of being able to cry listening to that song on that album because of their shared perfection but because I have had experiences PERSONALLY with both of them – which perhaps “adds” to the “____” but doesn’t detract from it – that is to say, that even if I hadn’t had PERSONAL ENCOUNTERS with aforementioned “things,” I would still experience the song and the album as tangentially “perfect.” And honestly, I don’t think there is any greater human emotion, not even love. It is a feeling much deeper and more complex than that … I think there are moments when one is in love that one experiences this feeling, but the feeling itself is not love. But for now, I will leave it at that: that I am deeply appreciative that I have very clear moments of experiencing this “feeling” – and that means … everything.
❤ Always, Beth