A Quick Thursday Thought – A Colorful Life

I was on the phone with my mother and sister yesterday or the day before (we speak all the time, almost daily if not daily … or multiple times a day!) and my mother said to me “Beth, you certainly lead a colorful life!” At first, I couldn’t discern if she was being serious or sarcastic – as I’m sure you have gathered by reading any one of these posts, I am by no means traveling the world or out stirring up commotion at night or even going out on the weekends for a drink with a friend or two. I am usually in fairly early in my PJs (except, of course, when I suspect I can get free donuts from Vegan Treats) watching goofy movies while writing or playing the piano or visiting with my cat, &c. Although that might seem fairly “dull” to most people, it is incredibly exciting in comparison with the last decade or so of my life – time spent very sick and very honestly not knowing if I would make it through another year or another season or another month.

So I asked my mother in all serious if she was serious when she said that I lead a colorful life – to which she responded while gasping/laughing “YES!” Since she said this to me, I have thought about it and in those brief 24-48 hours, I have realized that I have experienced a long list of “colorful” occurrences that really are fairly “abnormal,” even for the most “adventurous” people out there. As I have gone through my last two days, I have thought about this “saying” while talking on the phone with certain friends and while doing certain things like stumbling upon some very strange Japanese films and just thinking about the funny and “colorful” thoughts that just run through my mind at a pace faster than I could ever hope to keep up with.

Without alluding to specific “colorful” events, I just want to make the point that I have realized that she is very correct in saying that I lead a “colorful life.” It’s kind of funny because every time I have been “actively” engaged in my life (that is, not deathly ill), my life has been … “colorful.” If I had to say what it is that makes a life that might look terribly dull on paper so realistically full of life and vivid, I would say that a “colorful” life is at the juncture of “life is what you make of it” and “you attract what you are” and “grab every opportunity and experience you can.” I realize that is a terribly vague “definition.” What I am ultimately driving at is that I am the “force” behind my “colorful life,” both in the past and in “the” now (the people with whom I associate are completely different …. in just about every way imaginable!); that despite the struggles with which I have dealt and which have seemingly taken so much from me, I have pushed myself to remain steadfast in believing that there WILL be a better tomorrow and that YOU MUST keep your eyes and mind open ALWAYS because if you don’t, you might totally miss some of the brightest things, experiences, and people in your life.

So yes, I have reached the conclusion that I do, in fact, live an incredibly colorful life. It is a very different kind of colorful life than the one I used the live when I COULD travel the world and meet people from everywhere in person and do just about anything, but it is no LESS wonderful … if that makes any sense. That just speaks to the perceptual aspect of it all – that life really is what you make of it. I also have complete faith that one day I will do all of the things that I want to do in one way, shape, or form. I NEVER doubt myself and I can say that honestly. There are days that I feel very down and anxious and doubt aspects of my life … but my faith in MYSELF is unwavering – I do not think I could say anything more honest than that. At any rate, I just wanted to say that if you are in a position of chronic illness (like I have been and continue to be) or any other drawn-out struggle but you have the ability just to go out SOMETIMES and to do SOME of the things you want to do and just to look for new things all the time, you really can make life as “colorful” as you want and NEED it to be. I think that is another lesson many of “us” “spoonies” can teach the “healthy, normal” people of the world – you really don’t need to go too far outside of yourself to find everything you want and need … and that if you REALLY feel like you want and NEED more, you might not be looking closely enough at what IS already inside of you.

I hope that post was at all coherent and I hope you are all having a happy and healthy day wherever you are in the world! Keep the little hairs on your chinny chin chins up and keep on keepin’ on – no matter the scope, life is full of colorful experiences!

❤ Always, Beth

P.S. Just after I wrote this post I decided I was going to brush those dingy chompers on my little furry friend (he saw the vet not too long ago and she said his teeth are not good … so I am trying to brush his teeth … “regularly.”). He was being perfectly good (as good as a cat can be having a toothbrush shoved in his mouth!) and then I realized I wasn’t scrubbing his teeth … I was scrubbing his poor little “lips” (do cats have lips?) / face … and he was just putting up with me! I have been laughing so hard! That is a VIVIDLY colorful experience that will have me laughing at least all night!!! At least he has stopped begging me for his dinner for a little while! 😉 ❤