OMG.

The “title” says it all. I don’t say “OMG.” I don’t WRITE “OMG.” I just did, I realize, but aside from those few “OMG”s, I don’t utilize the “term;” such “acronyms” because 1. they’re goofy, and 2. it usually requires just as much “effort” to say the letters as it does the words they stand for. At any rate, I am “OMG”ing because I have been “watching” “Gossip Girl” (I put watching in quotes there because, like now, I am writing rather than “watching;” I am up and down and taking meds and doing shots and taking walks and practicing Chopin and Beethoven runs while “watching” “Gossip Girl”) and HEARD the quote (I don’t know the context … see ^^) ” … my sexual tension radar is unparalleled.”

YES. That is EXACTLY how to state what I have been trying to find the words for for … just about a year now. I also have this “uncanny” ability (along with the “ability” to accurately predict if a guy “REALLY” is in love with a girl or if she is just … companionship – “incredibly useful life skills!” I hear you screaming at the screen – yes, I know….) and it is certainly something I have used to my advantage in my “pre-sick sick” days (I have always been “sickly” but I became sick to the point of not being functional in my early 20s) – and at the time, I used it well. I am quite sure if I had not experienced such a long stretch of illness, it would have gotten me quite far all on its own, but alas! – that is not how life has panned out for me. That’s okay; I am, through writing this blog and writing elsewhere, slowly coming to terms with the illness as well as the many ways it has affected and continues to affect my life.

So I suppose the point of this post is just to give a “name” (words) to that intense sexual tension that has been lingering this past year. I am still not sure where all of that is going because it seems (in ways only tangentially related) the story is just starting to “rev up” and get going – only time will tell. But now that I have identified “IT,” my frequently irritatingly logical brain can categorize “it” and decide what to do with “it.” I am sure my dreams will reveal quite a bit in the coming days and weeks.

I hope you are all having a wonderful night (or day!) wherever you are in the world – it is an absolutely BEAUTIFUL fall evening here and although suddenly cold, this kind of weather makes me feel … at ease. I hope you can put a name to whatever “challenges” you might be encountering (or series of very strange coincidences over LONG periods of time, as the case might be) and that helps you to mentally “store it” where “it” needs to be stored, much like how getting just a proper “name” for the illness you have when you are formally diagnosed can be cathartic at the very least.

“Nothing happened between us….”
“Then why does it feel like it did?”

True true true. And wonderful question. And that is a wonderful OPEN question….

❤ Always, Beth