Sick Sunday

It has been a ROUGH day. I went to church with my friend as I try to do every Sunday; we went back to her house afterwards (again, like usual) and out of nowhere I just got incredibly weak feeling – I felt my legs give out on me at least 3 times trying to leave and I have spent the day in bed, something I don’t often do these days (I get weak and I get sick, but usually I will take a nap and get up and stay up for a bit, then take a nap if I am still feeling poorly, &c.). I am heading back to bed momentarily because I really do not feel any better and perhaps a bit worse.

I am just having an interesting feeling. I MISS having someone around (“romantically,” if you will) just to be around when I am not feeling well like this. It has been several years since I have been in this kind of really feeling strongly unwell weak physical state – it reminds me very much of the long stretches of this kind of feeling I had when I was young and then when I was living in Pittsburgh. Although the person who was “there” for me at that latter time was far from the perfect person to have around (far too needy and not care-taking enough; like I still had to entertain HIM when I was sick like this), I am experiencing that often “alien” (at least for me!) feeling of something like “loneliness.” Perhaps it is because I am thinking of one person. But just to sit there maybe reading or doing whatever while I am trying to get well; someone with whom to play Mario Kart 64 with; someone to watch old reruns of Cheers with on the sofa while I fall asleep. I realize I am not usually so sentimental … but I wonder how much of that is my own “conditioning” as well.

At any rate, I just wanted to write that here and let yinz know I am, in fact, human and to let you know I am, in fact, around – just not doing so great at the moment. I hope you are all having a wonderful day wherever you are in the world and I hope to write more here tomorrow. And yes, my heart is ALWAYS with YOU, whatever that means….

❤ Always, Beth

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