Monday “Mantra” – “BE HAPPY FOR OTHERS!” – NO!

I have heard so many “famous” people and rich people and “spiritual teachers” say how happiness (or insert some other self-reflecting positive attribute) can be achieved by not only being happy when good things happen to you but “genuinely” being happy when good things happen to others. That “genuinely” gets me because it speaks back to the whole idea of “intent;” we can sort of guess at the “intent” of a person with very specific actions, but in general, we can’t ever really KNOW the true intentions of others. HOWEVER, I have a more “specific” take on this “idea” of being happy for others and that is in regard to the people who are saying it. If you are someone who is suffering and has no money to buy your life-saving medications and you’re out on the street waiting another five years for your place on the housing program to come to the top of the wait list and you are suffering immensely … how could you “genuinely” be happy for the wild success of others? To me, that insinuates something of sociopathy or psychopathy … or any number of very serious mood disorders. If you’re not doing well and your “happiness” is contingent on the success and happiness of others, wouldn’t your immediate REACTION be to be bitter and angry, especially if you have worked your ass off just to survive and others are getting by on money and “names” they essentially inherited or married into? Furthermore, if we can get past that “REACTIVE” state and actually “RESPOND” to the situation, I think the RESPONSE here would be just a heightened sense of anger and bitterness and resentment – perhaps growing as the recognition hits you that this is a rampant problem in our society and in societies around the world.

And with all of that in mind, here is my “Monday Mantra” (it’s not really a “mantra,” and I would HIGHLY advise you do not repeat this in front of the mirror or anything like that … I can almost guarantee you will start conjuring up images of all the wrongs and injustices of the world in your head … yeah … not a good idea! I’m just sticking with the alliteration theme, so please bear with me and I hope that gave you at the very least a little laugh!) –

IT IS MUCH EASIER TO BE HAPPY AND/OR (^/v) TO ATTAIN HAPPINESS WHEN YOU SEE OTHERS SUCCEED IF YOU ARE ALREADY EITHER SUCCESSFUL OR HAPPY YOURSELF.

This whole “happiness is derived from the happiness of others” thing is something that belongs to a “coterie” of people; “definitionally,” it is volatile at best. It is something I can imagine Oprah and all her “famous friends” sitting around talking about as they are getting their hair and makeup touched up between filmings and as they have others bring them glasses of expensive mineral water. “OH, you just won another AWARD! I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU!” “NO, I just heard YOU just built a NEW HOUSE ON A SECLUDED ISLAND! I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!” Perspective, people! If you are REALLY struggling and you just feel happy that others around you have become wildly successful and you suddenly find that you are CONTENT with that (NEXT POST – CONTENTMENT – STAY TUNED!), I would HIGHLY advise you collect some quarters and get to a psychologist or psychiatrist immediately. I can understand something like an ethereal wave of happiness washing over a struggling individual when he or she finds out someone who he or she has known for a long time and has also struggled has managed to gain happiness and success – and I think that is “appropriate” and I think that is a great REACTION AND RESPONSE. HOWEVER, when that “happiness” is supposed to hang around for the long run or it is supposed to arise whenever someone gets something in a way you “judge” as UNFAIR … I cannot say that I believe that is legit “happiness.” Pretense? Perhaps.

At any rate, I hope that gave you a little bit to think about. I know so many people in the “chronic illness community” try so hard to just “be accepting” and “be helpful” and “be happy” for others no matter what the circumstances around all of those things might be. The trouble with that is that it is not only a form of codependence and enabling in my mind but it HURTS the person who is trying to show only that FACADE – and the discomfort with oneself in that regard manifests QUICKLY and LOUDLY if one is watching – often in the form of something like if I were to write “<3 Always, Beth – THE CREATOR AND FOUNDER OF THIS BLOG AND ALL OTHER SPOONISENSEI-NAMED SITES, VIDEOS, &C.” I really hope some of you know EXACTLY what I mean when I say that – I have called more than one person out on this kind of “behavior” but doing so usually results only in my frustration and so … here I am! At any rate! I will TRY to be back later on to write about “CONTENTMENT” (or at least START to write about it – I could write books on that one word, no doubt….) – I am still sick and not quite sure what’s up (I’m sure my fellow spoonies know what that’s like too – your “normal, healthy” friends tell you to “CALL THE DOCTOR!” but it’s like … well, I’m up and I’m functioning and I might feel like crap but it’s not to THAT point yet / I KNOW I WILL JUST SUBJECT MYSELF TO COUNTLESS FURTHER GERMS IF I DO GO TO THE DOCTOR!), but I do hope to write more here later on today! I hope you are all having a happy and healthy day wherever you are in the world! I am always thinking of you as well!!!

❤ Always, Beth …. the Creator and … yeah, I just can’t…..