Sunday Thought – You Can’t Really Say You’re “Not Thinking” About Something If You Say You’re “Not Thinking” About It!

It is Sunday. And this is a thought about which I have been intermittently thinking for a couple of months. Why not combine the two?! It makes for an important but TERSE post!

The THOUGHT I have to write about today is basically the idea that you don’t articulate something about which you’re not thinking. I will clarify that with two examples with which I have been “confronted” fairly recently:

1. Today, after attending church with my former neighbor / now good friend, we stopped by the house of a girl we both know from different circumstances / situations. We went in briefly – and left within about 2 minutes – the floor was a disaster and all I will say is that there was pit bull excrement all over the floor. At any rate, the justification here involves the pit bull. My friend is terrified of pit bulls because she was apparently bitten by one – a friendly dog who just “snapped” and bit her in the leg. I can understand that kind of fear and not wanting to be near that kind of dog again. At any rate, we have now gone together to this house on two separate occasions. However, both times we “visited” the dog started barking voraciously; howling, crying, yelling, yowling, you name it. The girl would yell at the dog by name and then say to both of us “Oh, her spirit just senses that you have kind spirits.” Or something like that. I.e., “I need to somehow justify the fact that I have a scary ass dog that my ‘friend’ is already terrified of and I know these two just came back from church and I know that’s how I met the ‘friend’ so I’ll go with that….” If the dog was not a threat, there would be no need to provide any explanation as to the dog’s aggressive behavior.

2. A few months ago, perhaps, I saw my “old” dentist (the last “old” dentist in a long line of them …. another story and yes, I know….). She had presented me with my “treatment plan” at my previous visit and after sitting down with it with myself and then going over the basics with (we’ll say for now) a certain “dental specialist,” I had many questions and concerns about the treatment plan, including why I needed veneers on all my anterior teeth when I had a mouth full of cavities and other major problems that need(ed) to be addressed. I had mentioned this to the aforementioned specialist who kindly offered at the time to speak with this dentist about the plan – of course, me being me, I refused the assistance because I didn’t want to come off as thinking I knew more about dentistry than the dentist (I know I certainly don’t!) and I just didn’t really want to put this person in the “middle” of things for a LONG list of reasons. At any rate, I did bring up the fact that I had discussed this plan with the specialist (who, for the sake of this story at least, DID say to me that he didn’t know this dentist to be “one of the many dentists who tries to jack up your bill”) and I had a number of questions as to why certain cosmetic procedures needed to be performed when my dental functionality and stability were very much at stake. To make a very long and very convoluted story as short as I can, this dentist told me 1. The “specialist” is a “specialist” and NOT a “general dentist” and therefore doesn’t have the kind of knowledge about overall treatment plans (this is, by the way, completely false – the “specialist” in question PRACTICED for years AS A GENERAL DENTIST which I KNOW BECAUSE I DO THOROUGH SEARCHES ON ALL OF MY MEDICAL PROVIDERS! So, the truth of the matter is that he DID have more than enough “expertise” to express said opinion. At any rate, I held my tongue with that one due to external factors and the fact that this particular “general dentist” has made it nearly impossible to find her educational background and license information – something with which I take issue being that I have severe medical problems!) and 2. that she was “not looking to put a lot of money in her pocket;” she wanted to make sure that she was treating ALL of my mouth and veneers seemed like the most “wholistic” way to treat a dry mouth and a mouth with a low pH (which, by the way, makes no sense anyway because veneers do not cover every surface of the tooth….). Which brings me back to my point – 1. if this dentist didn’t feel “challenged” or “threatened” that her knowledge and/or skill was/were inferior or questionable, she would never have thought of bringing the other “specialist’s” background into the conversation; and 2. If this dentist DID NOT have money on her mind when developing said “treatment plan,” the words “I am not doing this to put money in my pocket” (or something to that effect) wouldn’t have come out of her mouth! If she didn’t have money on her mind, the words wouldn’t have come out – ESPECIALLY because unlike “reason 1” here, I had never mentioned ANYTHING about the cost of the work!

So there you have it! Two “recent” examples that show how people attempt to (or succeed in) deceive others by identifying the very thing they’re trying to divert attention. It is a really interesting little twist of human psychology, really; this is especially true because although I wouldn’t call either of these individuals “geniuses” per se, they are both very intelligent people. Is it that they think less of those to whom they are speaking and that they can get away with saying these things without them being picked up on? Or is it really just the unconscious speaking through the conscious? Whatever the cause, it is something I find incredibly interesting and something that once identified, starts showing up in the behavior of SO MANY PEOPLE AND WHAT THEY TELL YOU! If person n doesn’t want you to know x about her, she will bring up x in a way that makes her involvement with him / her / it look wholeheartedly selfless and good at the least. Pay attention – see all the times people try to pull this on you over the next few days or weeks or months. And please do not blame me for bringing this up if you were previously unaware of this “tactic” – I only mean for others to SEE what is really going on!

AT ANY RATE! I have a lot to do today and A LOT yet to write here – I hope to get more up today, but we will see how the day plays out (that is not a justification; that is 100% honesty – I am exhausted because my cat used me as a trampoline until 4:30AM and JUST when I fell asleep soundly my alarm for church went off! I am also feeling a little coldish again which concerns me because there IS another “bug” going around here right now….). I hope you are all having a happy and healthy day wherever you are in the world and I WOULD VERY MUCH LOVE TO HEAR YOUR STORIES THAT DEAL WITH THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR / “JUSTIFICATION” AND WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS AND WHY YOU THINK IT IS SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE UTILIZE (i.e., why bring it up at all? What good does it do to say this “specialist” is not qualified when he is and I am a person who for many reasons is very likely to know that? Why say “I’m not looking just to make money!” when I am holding the tentative “bill?” Why say your dog is ripping up and pooping on the floor and then screaming at “strangers” at the door when telling said “strangers” it is a “spiritual thing” doesn’t stop the dog from doing any of those actions?)! It really is an interesting “tweak” in the human psyche. Thanks much for reading and remember, MY heart is ALWAYS with YOU…. … …

❤ Always, Beth

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