“What If?” Wednesday …

I often ask myself these “hypothetical” questions – they are questions that inevitably occur in life but whose contemplation and “answers” are anything but “easy” or “pleasant.” I will give you an example here:

“What do you do if you have ‘built a life’ with someone and then meet your soulmate (if you believe in such things) – i.e., what do you do if you fall in love with someone who is not the person to whom you have ‘committed your life?'”

There is no “right” answer to this question. There is no “GOOD” answer to this question. I just wonder if I were in another pair of shoes how I would respond to questions like these. This one is of particular interest to me for a variety of reasons (I will not bore you with the minutia here!). But I do often wonder about this (regardless of my involvement) – like if I had been a “healthy, normal” person in my 20s and if I had done the “normal” thing of just marrying the person I had been with for x years because that’s apparently what “adults” do … and then suddenly, 10, 15, however many years down the road I found the PERFECT “person …” what would I do? Questions like these drive me to question institutions like marriage and all the manipulation that can surround such “institutions.” As I said in my “Tautology Tuesday” post yesterday, I am not much of a “game player;” I genuinely want what is best for the person I “love” and I will NOT stand in the way of the person I love and the person who I would believe loves me. But perhaps if I hadn’t been sick when I was so sick I wouldn’t think in those “terms.”

As an example, I recently “read” about a “friend” having paid off student loans …. however, I can guarantee those loans would be hanging around for many, MANY more years if the fulfilled dreams of this person were not built on the trampled dreams of another. I realize that is a statement made from the outside looking in – but that’s what so much of this “blog” is all about. See, I personally cannot imagine a scenario in which I “took credit” for that kind of thing – I could celebrate having the loans PAID OFF, but failing to genuinely acknowledge and appreciate the DREAMS that were never lived and will never see “the light of day” for that to happen? It is just something I can’t even begin to understand. I know there is always an exchange in these types of relationships (“heterosexual marriages”) and the terms of said exchange are determined only by the people involved. But I see examples like this in the VAST MAJORITY of “married couples” and that kind of “disconnect” only adds to my curiosity. Like … are “we” just settling for the people we have been with because of the “investments” we have made in them? (YESTERDAY’S POST!) Social expectations? Worrying you’ll never do better? Pressure from families? That weird “OH NO I’M IN MY LATE 20S AND EARLY 30S!” thing? And if you ARE one of the people who has “settled” on the basis of looks or intelligence or money or whatever it might be … what do you do with yourself when the REAL DEAL comes along? This is doubly questionable if the “partner” who is not the “right” person is a jealous or possessive person….

I could go on and on and on and on … I suppose I already have! At any rate, that is my “question” for the day (for many, many days….). I just really hope that people do better for themselves in this regard – people in general tend to make an awful lot of bad choices when the choices involve these sorts of major commitments (even minor ones!). But BEING WITH SOMEONE FOR DECADES is an area of your life you really don’t want to feel “stuck” in or about. I haven’t been married, but I have been “stuck” in long relationships … and even the repercussions after those relationships have ended … it’s just not good for anyone involved.

What a happy note to end the night on! I hope you do think of this in happier terms – I hope you don’t find yourself in this situation. But if you ever did … what would you do?

Until next time, I hope you have a happy and healthy day/night wherever you are in the world!

❤ Always, Beth

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